No stitches, just platelets and will power
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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