I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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