I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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