Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
