He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
