i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
that is very illegal...i love you.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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