SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
