You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
