She went from zero to smokin in five shots
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
