She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
