omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, I just burned my penis
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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