barbara walters just said penis...
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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