can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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