Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
