The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
