You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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