I want to stick my p in your. b.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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