Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
