remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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