First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
