I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
