Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
