The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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