I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
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