Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
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Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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