I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Will exercising make me less horny?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
