I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
