Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
