You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
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