I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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