Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
