I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Randomize
