We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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