I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
