how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
