my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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