Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
