Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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