i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
