my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize