apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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