I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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