what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Randomize
