I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
