He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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