I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
we're so committed to being not committed
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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