Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
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At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
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I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Come share oat with me in your robe
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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