i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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