If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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