ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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