So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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