yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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