I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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