Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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