I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
