Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
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I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
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Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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