She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
