if you like me you must not know who I am
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
