We're like a lot better than the average bears
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
