I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
