Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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