I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
