Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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