From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
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