***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
