Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
