remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Bring me that man meat
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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