im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
