If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
