My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Randomize
