thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
