oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
