508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
