it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
