Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
