Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
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