The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
