I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
