Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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