the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
