just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
