The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
