This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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