I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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