i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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