Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
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