Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
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